Over the past 50 years, the Detroit Lions football team has only had 16 winning seasons, but that’s all part of the plan according to a statement released by the franchise’s management. After the departure of all-star quarterback Bobby Layne in 1958, the Lions went on a losing streak. At first, the owners were worried about the future of the once-victorious team, but in 1974, inspiration struck.
That inspiration was the infamous “Rumble In The Jungle” boxing match between Muhammad Ali and then-World Heavyweight Champion George Foreman. In that fight, Ali adopted the “Rope-a-Dope” strategy, whereby he assumed a protective stance and allowed himself to take numerous punches from Foreman. Foreman then tired himself out, leaving himself open to a vicious counter-attack by Ali. After seeing that fight, the Lions’ owners knew what they had to do.
Standing: Detriot Lions 2009. Falling: The rest of the NFL.
“It was all so simple,” recalls Rick Forzano, Lions head coach from 1974-1976. “All we had to do was fool the rest of the NFL into thinking that we were a horrible team for fifty years, then they would be tired and we’d show them that it was all a clever ruse.” The rest, as they say, is history.
For the most part, the strategy worked perfectly, but there were tense moments. In 1991, for example, the team made it to the play-offs and, despite their best efforts, managed to beat the Dallas Cowboys 38-6 in the Divisional Playoff game. The Lions quickly got their act together and lost in the next round 41-10 to the Washington Redskins.
The Plan In Action: Detroit Lion Shaun McDonald gets tackled by Dallas Cowboy Terence Newman
“That was a real close one,” says Barry Sanders, star running back of the team from 1989 to 1998. “I kept trying to get tackled, but it was like they couldn’t catch me no matter how slow I went. Eventually, I had the team doctors inject novacaine into my legs so that I would be a sitting duck for all the linebackers.”
In the 2008 season, the Lions’ strategy finally reached the final step when the team achieved a 0-16 record. “It’s been a long road,” says team co-owner William Clay, Sr., “but after the 2008 season, everybody has been completely lulled into submission. Nobody is going to expect anything from us after losing every game in 2008. The dope has been roped.”
"0-16 in 2008? The plan worked, mother f**ker! Now you're mine!" - Detroit Lions
To prepare for the 2009 season, the Lions hired head coach Jim Schwartz, marking the first time in 50 years that a coach had been chosen for his ability to win instead of his ability to keep the clandestine strategy in line. When informed of the rope-a-dope the Lions had pulled off, Schwartz was reported as saying, “They’ve been losing for 50 years on purpose? Do they realize that teams get a rest between seasons and games so they won’t be tired out for 2009?” Upon hearing this, Mr. Clay’s smile disappeared and he cursed under his breath.
This story is a preview of the upcoming FakeSportsNews.com, which will go live in a few weeks. Check back next Saturday for a guest contribution to this blog from two of the FakeSportsNews.com founders!
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This must be why my Patriots got rid of my boys Cassel & Vrabel. I’m sure they caught wind of this and knew they wouldn’t have a chance anyway!