Financial markets are collapsing and the job market is shrinking, so young people are doing the only sensible thing: trying to work for the government. A lot of these young people are saying that President Obama has made public service cool and that has inspired them to sign up. So, Obama makes it cool to work for the government, and then it just so happens that his economic plans make it possible for a lot of young people to get hired by the government. Coincidence? I think not.
It is a well known fact that all important descisions made about the welfare of the world are decided by a group of five well-connected Illuminati members who live under a mountain on an island somewhere in the Pacific (attribution needed). These people selected Obama to be President because he was cool and would lure unsuspecting youth to work for the government, thereby extending the control of the group. This is an old strategy that has been used to swell the henchmen ranks of James Bond villains for years, and now it is attacking the youth of America.
Ernst Stavro Blofeld: The Barack Obama of James Bond Villains
Even more damning is a certain passage from the above linked article: “The government lacks hard data to measure how much progress it is making in attracting college-age applicants.” Lacks the data, or intentionally destroys it so that an investigation into this cult-like system would become lost in a bureaucratic labyrinth? I’m on to you, Washington Post.
One of the agencies benefitting from this upswell of applicants is the CIA. If kids keep going to work for the government, then the CIA might actually be able to finally have a competent team of analysts who can read Arabic and make accurate assessments of other cultures, and that is not what the CIA is all about. The CIA is all about making vague security statements about impending threats and then placing them on the desks of those in power. Those in power then wipe their backsides with the reports. This long-held system allows both parties to operate with impunity: the CIA can say that they did their best to alert the executive branch, and the executive branch can say that they weren’t able to read the reports because of all the fecal matter spread on it. This delicate balance must not be upset!
What, did you think all those dark smudges were made by a black marker?
There’s one final issue that must be addressed: if the government is flooded with young, capable job applicants, then the government might actually begin to function efficiently and expediently. If this happens, then there will be nothing left for candidates to political office to complain about. Can you imagine how much more boring that would make already-boring campaign debates?
"I completely disagree with my opponents assertion that there should be two types of pizza at the post-debate dinner. There should be three."
This country is founded on the fact that governments aren’t able to sufficiently provide for their nation’s people, necessitating the regular replacement of top government officials. If government programs actually start working, then the entire populace will be lulled into complacency, and those five Illuminati members who control the world will have free rein to implement their most radical agendas, which will be carried out without the slightest hitch…
Soylent Ice Cream: It's made out of people! They're making our food out of people!